what the ...

I came across this article where Sreesanth has outsourced meditation ...

"Transitional meditation means that my protege Sreesanth communicates his state of mind to me. I'm in state of meditation 24x7 and I'm able to send him positive vibrations. "

http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtvcricket/showstory.aspx?id=SPOEN20070016202&site=ndtv

New Yorkkk ...

It was a very memorable trip. New York and DC. A trip that lasted 5 days. Pretty long i would say considering most trips I made were a max of 3 days.

The New York journey started with a subway ride from the airport to Manhanttan. Oh well, we got lost. We went past ahead of our destination. We were tired of sitting in the train. We got off the next stop and decided to walk back. I cannot explain the excitement in our minds when we got off that train and came out to see the sun. We were relieved of the train, excited to see New York and focused on getting to the hotel. Thats how the trip began!

Our first tourist location was Grand Central, just another railway station I would say. However, the scenes from Karan Johar movies made it special and we identified all those places that SRK and Rani would meet. I liked the food court there. So much variety in a single food court is rare to find.

Next on line was meeting the rest of the group that got split up at the airport. Finally, we met them and proceeded to a Cathedral Church nearby our hotel. The church was sure very pretty. Tinted glasses, high ceilings, it had a very European look to it.

Next was Rockefeller centre and up Empire State Building. The view! The city! The population in New York and the active city life had already astounded me. And looking at the high rise building from atop Empire State, New York astounded me all the more. I had never seen a city with so many high rise buildings. Each with a different company's name associated with it. Such crowded downtowns, such construction. I was reminded of the way the novel 'Fountain Head' had ended. Only in a city like New York could that ending have made sense!!

As usual, when I start writing there is no end to it, more posts about New York to follow ....

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Movie

Best of Harry Potter they say! I am not able to agree. Am I bored of Potter? Why wasnt this movie as exciting as the last.

Go by story ... Well, the prophecy never made sense to me, and without Longbottom's story the little bit of common sense was gone. Go by action ... there wasnt any ... just a little bit of action towards the end of the movie. Frankly, the book had more action than the movie. The five doors they get stuck behind. The war between the good and the bad. Even Fred and George's exit from Hogwarts!! Come on ... could have, no, should have been beter!!

I cannot write more on this! Its boring to even recollect.

Hello there ...

'Its been long', I say. She agrees. We talk. Conversations for the sake of Conversations. Small talk. 'How is the weather there?' 'Where do you shop?' 'How is your work going?' All questions with one line answers. Every person's creativity was being tested and the question rain had begun. Despite having spoken for 3 hours, no personal information was shared.

'Where to start?' I think. Can I remake the same rapport I had with my school friends again? Will I be able to sit together with them and discuss each other's lives?

The truth is we grew apart drastically. We buy each other gifts. Talk abt general stuff, but the personal touch is gone. How do I still keep in touch? I wish I knew. I wish the answer was simple.

Vettaiyadu Vizhaiyadu

For a long time, I stayed away from this movie. I was told that this was a gory movie, some scenes were disgusting. I hate disgusting scenes and I stayed away. Finally ... one day, there was no other tamil movie worth watching on the shelf. So I picked this one up. The movie rotted in my apartment for a few days until I finally decided I must somehow get through this one.

That was the standard I had set for this movie, the expectation from me. Irrespective of all that, I actually liked the movie. I enjoyed seeing it. I thought the movie was very stylishly shot and it had a very fast moving first half. The suspense and the clueless murders kept me gripped to it.

After the suspense was revealed over interval, the movie started losing the momentum. Thats the biggest problem with Tamil movies. They just wont sacrifice on the length of the movie irrespective of how boring the movie could become. That said, if I paid 10$ for a movie that ends in an hour. The Indian mind in me will crib that it was a big waste of my money :).

Many scenes in the movie reminded me of Kaaka Kaaka. You can easily guess both the movies were made by the same guy.

Verdict: For a one time see, its good!

The Geeky Me ...

My day today at office was great. Not just because it was productive. But for a change I felt like I achieved something.

I dont have a lot of experience in multi-threaded programming. And recently I was given this task of converting a single threaded application to multi threaded. I wrote so many versions of this one task until I reached the final pseudocode.

1. A simple thread application that uses polling to communicate with the child.
2. Ofcourse, polling is not CPU efficient, used semaphores.
3. Then, I came across this new .NET term 'ThreadPool'. More efficient, so modified the existing forking scheme to use thread pools instead.
4. One thread pool was not prioritizing threads properly. Priority thread pool didnt suit the requirement. Split to use two Thread pools.
5. Further on, more enhancements ... Exception handling, logging, etc etc.

I started off the day knowing nothing about threads. By the end of the day, I knew more than 5 ways to implement the same requirement.

Feels good. Thats what I call a good day at office.

My identity ...

[A post recovered from my old blog ... ]
I happen to find a friend of mine after a long time on orkut. This was our chat script …

She: Hey there! Its great to find you here.
Me: Same here! How are you doing?
She: Fine! So, do you orkut often?
Me: Hmm … not really. I am more of a MSN person.
She: I see! Do you use Yahoo?
Me: Not unless someone insists. Do you use Skype?
She: How about Friendster?
Me: No … I visit orkut more frequently than Friendster.
She: I see, ok! What is your email id?
Me: You know what … This is my gmail id: … , my yahoo id: … , my hotmail one: … , skype, orkut, friendster, hi5. You can have your pick! Just inform me which you choose.

I do have more email ids than that. I am sure I’ll be out of space if I had to list everything! Every one of those ids is me, and yet not me! My friend was also insisting I should fill in my profile details correctly, so everyone is "up-to-date" about me. Which means when my real identity changes, I have to change all these virtual identities of mine without fail.

Looks like I have reduced to just a few words on the internet :(.

Traffic lights ...

Every day in the morning, I drive 2-3 blocks from my home to office. It takes me less than 5 mins to reach office. But there are approximately 5 signals that I need to cross.

For the first time, admist the morning hour traffic, today all the signals between home n office were green in my favor. I didnt stop at even one. And my travel time reduced to 2 mins :P

Ah well! small pleasures of life :).

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

After a long time, I read Harry Potter. After 4 books, I had had enough of Harry Potter, so I stopped reading them. With the new book and the movie releasing, I decided it was time to catch up.

This biggest plus of this book is my break. The fact that I was reading Harry Potter after a long time made me read it. I liked sensing the magic all over again. The book was not as thrilling as the fourth nor as innovative as the third. I kept waiting for more thrills and more suspenses.

The whole story hung off ... a Prophecy. And frankly even after reading the whole book, I didnt get the whole point of the Prophecy. Why did Voldemort want it on the first place? What information would he have got, that he didnt already know? What additional information did we get ... except for Neville Longbottom's story?

Somehow ... to me, the part of the Prophecy resembled Lord Krishna's history. Kamsa is told the eighth child will kill him and here Voldemort is also told about his killer. In both cases, the child escapes.

The biggest drawback of this book was that my imagination was so restricted. Every time I thought of Harry Potter, it was Daniel Radcliffe that came to my mind. The worst part was the story of Hagrid ... the whole time I could only imagine Robbie Coltrane. That totally ruined my imagination. I could not picture any other giant other than him. What a pity!

Overall ... if you have read 4 Harry Potter books ... there is no reason for not reading this one ... Go for it!

What a day!!

Today was one of the most satisfying days in a long time now.
Friends, tulips, frisbee and ... paruppu saadham with ghee to end it all ...
There is nothing more I could have asked for today!

Kiasu ...

Ah! I had forgotten that word. I had forgotten that urgency. I had forgotten the fear. Seriously in the one year in US ... that Singlish word had lost its role in my life.

Instead the fear has been replaced by a smile. The moment I used that word today ... it brought an instant smile on my face. And more so ... seeing that this word has a separate page dedicated to itself on wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiasu ... makes the smile broader :).

Emotions ...

Did you know that emotions literally translates to two Latin words ... e(x)/out, outward + motio/movement, action, gesture. As simple as that ... emotion is an outward gesture.

Stressed ...

The fascinating things stress does to me ...
- I am losing weight without stepping into the gym.
- My appetite is decreasing.
- An inactive personal front.
- And a partial satisfaction on the work front.

Lately I have been a bit obsessed with work. Trust me when I say, 'working hard would be an understatement'. Unfortunately the outcome from all the efforts makes me wonder if it is worth it. Well, things at work did change a little ... more respect, more responsibility. But if I have to maintain this ... oh gosh! it scares me!

Well ... like always to relieve myself I am resorting to something I like doing most ... reading n writing!! Blog is back to active guys!

Back to the roots ...

After a very long time ... I revisited a field that made my life a lot interesting years back ... Personality Analysis. I was back to reading Sigmund Freud and doing some online personality tests. I was back to analysis myself and my stupid personality ... yet again.

My biggest revelation in this attempt is that I am an extreme personality. I was not so surprised at the find but i was definitely surprised at the extent of it. For every question that I was answering ... I mostly clicked either 'I completely agree' or 'I completely disagree' ... there were so few questions with the gray shade. Well ... good or bad ... thats me for you.

Another find ... Oh I have changed. To the better or worse. I have changed. My personality seems to be getting stronger and clearer ... day by day. I'd be surprised if people find it difficult to figure me out. My personality is just out there with nothing really under the covers. Straight forward, transparent, confident and bold.

Lately some incidents are making me realize that probably the extremeness and transparency is a little difficult for everyone to handle. Less do they realize thats just me, just the way I am. Well, there is nothing I can do about it. Thats me for you. Period.

Time is the healer ...

Is Free Will an illusion?

Routines ...

When she was 8 years old, she said to herself, "I will become a doctor. I will help people in their most difficult times." She felt proud.

When she was 12 years old, she said to herself, "I should become an IAS officer. I like that job and all the perks that come with it." She felt proud.

When she was 15 years old, she said to herself, "I write well. I should consider journalism." She felt proud.

Years later, she stared at her business card. She was a software engineer ... just another software engineer, in just another IT company.

Her life was a reflection of a routine ... a routine set by seniors and elders, a routine imposed by the society. Its true the IT sector had a lot of opportunities. But were these opportunities for her? Did the IT job get the best out of her? Were her skills explored?

Questioning her past and her future ... She was not proud anymore.

Angels and Demons

Finaally ... I finished reading this book. I read this book over 2-3 weeks. I had a lot of interruptions and the book didnt keep me involved also.

I felt the book was just like 'Da Vinci Code' that I read last year. There was a mystery hidden in the book ... And I guessed the suspense half way down the book itself. One speech to the world and it was clear there was only one person who could benefit from the incidents happening in the book. What the hell!! At times I felt if there were more characters in the book, it could have helped retain the suspense a little longer.

I should appreciate the care and attention that Dan Brown has taken to explain even the smallest details of the architecture of the place. He can make you imagine the place, the incident like ... like... like he pictured it!! It is so perfect. Every church involved, every murder that happened, every sculpture that was described I have a mental image of it. Imagining the darkness and the killings makes this book a very good thriller.

Despite that, Dan Brown's writing is sooo similar ... even within the book. One killing is similar to the other. You can read one and sleep through the rest and you wouldnt have missed a thing. Although the treasure hunt style is impressive ... The Path of Illumination is meant only for Robert Langdon. So you dont have a role there to play either. I wish it were more engrossing ... making the reader guess rather than just reading that Robert found the angel!!

Overall, its not a book that would remain in my mind for long, but I can tick it off my 'To-Read' list.

The life you lead is a choice you made!

Dependent ...

Last weekend, in one of my weirdest frustrations ... I got irritated that I was very dependent on a software application. I decided to get rid of the dependency. I uninstalled the software from my office computers.

Now its existence from my office world is nullified. Surprisingly ... its just the second working day of the week and I am already pushing myself hard. I wonder how I ended up this way. I also wonder how many more softwares that I rely on. Can I live a week without internet? Impossible! The thought of it itself is scary!

I realize now ... Habits die really hard. But I am determined to keep this going and I will.

The magic of AR Rahman ...

As the music rings in my ears, every cell in my body jumps with joy. There is no limit to the amount of enthusiasm that this single musician's songs can bring in my life.

My frustrations take a back seat when his notes linger in the room. There is an aura of happiness that fills me up. His music is definitely the source of energy that awakens the dead soul in me. And like the phoenix, I rise again ... full of excitement and exuberance.

Rahman and his music ... an irreplaceable element of my life. Thanks to a friend who gave me reach to his songs again!!

Trip to Sydney ...

I wrote this blog in May 2005, when I travelled to Sydney. It is funny how alien the blog sounds to me today. If I had written this journal today, it would have been very different. I am just uploading half of my experience as is, as I wrote it almost 2 years back. The rest ... nah! I dont think it deserves a place in my today's journal. Oh ya ... since this is a consolidation of 3 of my old blogs ... it is a reaallly long post. This is your chance ... quit now!

First day at Sydney,

It was around 8:00 pm when I reached in Sydney. I walked straight to the Taxi Stand and called the taxi to my hotel. The windows of the taxi were open. I could feel the cold breeze hitting my face and making it numb. Somehow, I liked it. The place was obviously so unlike Singapore. It was spacious and I could see normal housing instead of HDBs. The wide road had big banners covered on both sides with a lot of advertisements varying from movies to LG Digital Technology. These banners reminded me of the flyover in Coimbatore.

At the hotel, everything was ready for me. The rest of whatever was left of the day went by adjusting to the cold weather, experimenting my room heater and preparing for the next day’s event.

Second day at Sydney,

The day dawned early for me. Luckily my health was better and my voice was clear. The official event began at 8:00am and went non-stop until lunch. Despite the tension in the air, I seemed to have enjoyed everything around me. Whenever I was not with somebody, I stood by the window enjoying the view of Darling Harbour. After everything was done and goodbyes were bid, I started walking towards my hotel. The walk over the Pyrmont Bridge was fantastic. The view was lovely: glittering waters, vanishing cruises, busy flyovers …..The sun was shining, but it was cold. After living in Singapore, I really cherished the broad walking space and the unbounded swings of the wind.

After making a few calls, I walked through the brochures to find out what Sydney could offer. From the information I had gathered from the taxi drivers and hotel staff, I knew I had to fit in the aquarium and beach into my schedule. “Alright, downtown area tonight!” I decided.

Sydney Tower was my first destination. Luckily my hotel was situated right next to the Pyrmont Bridge at a very convenient location. The only thing worth mentioning about the tower was the view of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Fascinating it was. The structure was so huge. Everything next to it looked tiny. The telescope provided an absolutely close look at the bridge. Every bend and curve was visible and looked great. If I had an extra day, I would definitely climbed the bridge.

Aquarium … Another underwater world, I thought. It was better. It was big with a great variety of water-life. The best part was the Oceanarium, the place where the world’s largest collections of sharks could be found. In one word, “Great”. Sharks swam all around me. Their size and variety and the fact that “they were sharks” is sure something difficult to find in Singapore.

[Written today ... ]
I was so impressed by the Sydney Harbour Bridge, that I had to check it out. I cannot recollect the place I went to ... it was some kind of a Fisherman's Wharf area. The highlights of that place as I remember today, was the Opera House, the Sydney Harbour Bridge of course and one of the biggest fish markets in Sydney.

My third day in Sydney ...

Sydney provides two city-tours for tourists. The first one covered most of the commercial areas, shopping and man made attractions. The second covered the naturally scenic locations along the coast. No prizes for guessing what I picked. Beaches, waters, oceans, sand-dunes, cliffs, trails along the beach ... I saw and did it all. I returned back to downtown only after seeing the sun-set on the beach and walking in a park in downtown. Even though I was freezing in the cold in the Australian winters, I enjoyed the walks thoroughly.

In Australia, business ends very early. After 8/9 in the evening, you wont find any shops open ... not even restaurants. This was causing a big problem for me. I had to retire early to my hotel. In fact, I had to come in earlier to finish the shopping and cover the business districts before the close.

I spent the last moments of the day, sitting in my hotel's lounge and watching the busy harbor of Australia. Ships coming in, loading/unloading ... I can still remember those moments. I sat there reflecting on my trip. It had been a good trip for me. I was confident of the outcome. I knew I had some changes to deal with when I went back to Singapore. And yet ... at that moment, nothing mattered. I had seen Sydney. I had been to Australia ... and I could tick off another country from the world map.

Skiing ...

Skiing ... is it a guy's sport? I am inclining to thinking so. The amount of stamina that this sport requires is tremendous. Stamina, that is very difficult to find in an everyday Indian woman.

I am just a beginner in skiing. I have attempted this sport three times so far. I started a beginner and I still am. I simply cannot proceed. And still without even doing any 'real' skiing ... each time I go, I experience a terrible loss of energy. It takes me at least 2 days to recover. 2 days where my work and personal life is affected. My enthusiasm is low. My sleeping time increases. My appetite is lost. My visits to pro-club are solely for the jacuzzi and never for exercise. And all this time, ALL this time ... just to recover from a day of useless skiing. Makes me wonder if it is really worth it.

No I dont feel like giving up on skiing. Just that ... I am not quite fit for it right now. But I have the hope of being fit some day ...
Maybe some day ... I would have gained the stamina to 'cut through the snow' ...
Maybe some day ... I would have learnt the tricks to stay upright and not fall ...
Maybe some day ... I will ski the entire beginner's slope ...
Some day ... Some day!

The hope never dies!

A Rollercoaster ride ...

My day today was one of the best roller coaster rides I have ever been on in my life. Highs and lows ... they came in plenty.

One word that can capture the morning is 'Ecstacy'. My senses were in for a feast this morning. Astonishing views, splendid music and delicious food. I couldnt ask for more. Slow and steady, the ride had begun. I was rising high and higher until ... it was time to fall.

Oh the fall ... Like they say, the higher you go, the mightier the fall is. It sure was. I felt the pain. The reason behind the fall ... 'Perceptions'. There it was. Something I needed to pay more attention to. What my actions meant and how they were comprehended by others. There was a gap to fill.

The Turnaround ... What better way can there be other than sports. A game. Followed by a chit-chat with a friend. Personally I take pride in the fact that it doesnt take me long to bury my thoughts behind and move on. Today I realized I am not alone. There is at least one other person who can do so. Glad.

The day ends with a long telephonic talk with mom. Oh what a ride! I am too tired to sleep. And here I am ... blogging.

Powerless ...

I had information to share.
I had opinions to reveal.
I had facts to quote.

And all I did was listen ...
Answer when questioned ...
And crush my voice.

No ... I wasnt scared.
No ... I was confident.
And yet ... I felt powerless

I listened to mighty ...
Silently wondering ...
If I had the power ... would I say the same thing too?

Temptations ...

I had put an end to this.
It was jeopardizing my work life.

A little bit of room and
I am tempted ... really tempted ...

Should I restart blogging?

(.... looks like I just did)

Los Angeles ...

Los Angeles & San Diego
Spring 2006

Los Angeles was the first domestic flight I took in US. Even before we got off the flight, LA amused me. For the simple reason, our flight had to queue up behind a series of flights all wanting to land at the LA Airport. Air Traffic ... for the first time I experienced it.

Our very first day of the trip was Universal Studios. The whole day was spent in this one single place. Rides and rides and more rides. All inspired by movies ... Back to the Future, Shrek, Jurassic Park ... My favorite ride was the Mummy. The whole ride was in darkness with mummies and scary things popping out of everywhere. It is so easy to just 'boo' me and I ll get scared. This ride had made my heart beat real fast. Although nobody was keen in the beginning. In my pretext, everybody thoroughly enjoyed the day.

The second day we drove from LA to San Diego. On the way, stopping at 2 or 3 beaches. Strolled on the sands, played volleyball at the beach, witnessed dancers dancing around the fire for some African music and finally at the end of the day, we hit the dance floor at some random club in San Diego. The beaches unlike near Seattle's pebble beaches had long sand shores. The waters were not very cold too. The day ended with a friend of mine from Seattle driving the rest of us back to LA. He was the only one who was awake.

The third day, we drove around in the car all day long. Again, one guy drove ... the rest were just sitting inside and doing nothing. Drove through the Mulholland drive. It was supposed to be a really scenic drive. Ah well! did we care? That day I had received a call from a good friend of mine from Singapore. She had come to San Diego for 3 days and was returning to Singapore the very day I spoke to her. I cursed her for not calling me earlier. I was in San Diego and didnt meet her. What a disappointment!!